Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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