He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
