I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
