after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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