I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
