Screwed.edu
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
