I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
