Apparently you make a good broom.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
