A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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