So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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