he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
