The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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