I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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