how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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