Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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