If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
