Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
