I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
