Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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