Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
