so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
