Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
