Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
