Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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