Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
