she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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