Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
