Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
