They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
