How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
