apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
