i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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