Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
