Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
