that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
