That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
