I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
