i may or may not be watching the land before time
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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