The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
