So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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