Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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