He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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