I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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