is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
