There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
