I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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