Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
