are you still at the devil's house?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
