Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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