i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Welp...herpes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
