What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
