i need an iv and a liver transplant
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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